On Pause:
Where the Physical and the Mental Sip Tea

I’m on pause, that place of immobility where even attempts at action result in pause, such as repeatedly hitting the play button on the DVD remote that offers no result unless you count ‘staying as is’ as a result, the unacknowledged and much maligned result that if properly examined is as much of a result as any.

Got that? Reach for tea. Sip. Continue.

I battle pause due to my overdeveloped relationship with forward. Forward is my buddy. We toast often, glancing back over our shoulders at where we’ve been. In our religion, we pray to next. ‘As is’ is tough for pause skeptics. Believers try to tell us of its value, and we smirk saying, “I don’t want to simply live like a dog and accept,” even though of course we would. We just don’t know how.

I think of treadmills. Inconsequentially. The moving and unmovingness of those wannabe sidewalks make me smile and that is a tiny departure from pause, kind of like one frame forward on the DVD. Undetectable progress, perhaps, but progress nonetheless.

Smiling is good. Smiling beats its opponent.

The paddy wagon knocks at my door, but I say I’m busy learning about pause, so I can’t come to the door right now. Have you ever seen a paddy wagon? They move in a staccato kind of way as if they haven’t caught on to 24fps. Those of you in video world should insert 30fps thinking, but I’m old school and I think in film. We are a dying breed, I am warned, as if I didn’t know that, as if I thought forever lived in my DNA. Well, maybe it does. In my DNA. But in this case that indicates that my DNA isn’t really me because while my DNA can live forever, I cannot. I am a dying breed. Just ask anyone who still develops film. And if you find that kind of logic circular, I invite you to join me on the treadmill where circularity is welcome and appreciated.

Pause is interesting, I say to Forward as my tea reaches a comfortable temperature. Forward replies that pause looks a lot like insanity.

Bah humbug, I retort because no one likes a killjoy.

The tenor of this discussion indicates a need for vacation, a change of scenery, which some would interpret as challenging pause to a duel. While I’m not a fighter, ‘duel’ has an appealing romantic quality to it, so I nod, and say, “Yes, yes. That is what must be done.” Pause, I take you on.

In other words, I’m going on vacation. Sort of. A writing vacation in the company of others who wield pens. Far, far away where palm trees sway and I will learn the hula. If you think all of this has been crazy, picture me doing the hula. If that image doesn’t scare you, you’re not properly informed.


Anonymous said...

I remember your success with the hula hoop so how far off can the actual dance be? I'll be looking on youtube for your debut. (=

Safe travels my friend.

LittlePea said...

I love to hula. So will you! :o)

I've been on pause for a long time so you're not alone....

QT said...

I wish you the best- don't forget about the little people, try to throw us a crumb now and then :)

Emily said...

Ah, that sounds like a good place to take a writing vacation. Enjoy! I hope it's fruitful. (as a sidenote, I just learned that a kid in my class can walk and hula hoop at the same time...something to aim for!)

Girlplustwo said...

D, your writing fascinates me. I want to be that cup of tea.

I want to follow you around and be your fringe person. In the best sort of way.

I can't wait to see what you come up with. And the hula..well...that would be the best treat, ever.

PS. I got the book today. Can't wait to dive in.

Anonymous said...

Pause makes me twitchy. It causes me to say "yes" to the next project that comes along, resulting in a continually overflowing schedule. "I don't want to simply live like a dog and accept." EXACTLY.

But I yearn for rest too, like you. It's just that pause sometimes feels like The Big Rest.

Enjoy the intentional pseudo-pause. Play. Hula. Write.

come back and tell us about it.

Rachel said...

I love pause, and your words too. So wonderful to read. happy hula-ing!