Tagged: I’m It

I only did this for Cover because I love her writing and sort of considered it an invitation. But, I won’t be tagging anyone to follow because it feels like supporting the draft, which I oppose. (Either that or I lack blogger spirit.) However, if you want to be tagged by me, consider it done. I won’t deny it. Even under oath.

Five Things:

1. I seem to always get my car washed two days before it rains. Two days. After waiting months to do the deed. So if you live in Los Angeles and want to make plans that are weather dependent, monitor my car washing. I think I’m more reliable than the nightly news.

2. My thirty-year-old boyfriend took me to my senior prom. Beforehand, he bought strawberry daiquiris in a posh restaurant that my friends and I shared. Nearly thirty years later, I’m still attracted to thirty-year-olds. Either I live in a time warp, my soul has a permanent age of thirty, or there was something very magical in those daiquiris.

3. The only regret I have in life was trying to put on overalls in a small bathroom at age eight. A piece of advice: never attempt this by bending rapidly at the waist as you reach behind to fling the strap over your shoulder. I collided with the sink and spent the next ten years in a dentist’s chair as a lab rat before the days of perfected bonding. Better advice: don’t wear overalls unless you’re a farmer.

4. I speak four languages, one quite well (English.) My ability in the other three (Russian, Italian, French) is deteriorating at an alarming rate. Luckily, I came up with a handy solution: blending. When I put together what I remember of the three, it comes out as a delicious Esperanto-imitation, yet more flavorful and with a far more sordid history. I give lessons upon request, though don’t expect to get much use of it in the real world. You will, however, have the opportunity to see the look on the ticket seller’s face at Gallerie dell'Accademia when you ask to purchase one adult and three children’s tickets in ‘Italian,’ prompting her to respond, “What language do you speak??!

5. My right shoulder barely functions, supposedly due to overuse at a young age. I question the simplistic diagnosis, suspecting instead a war wound from a past life (hence part of my resistance to the draft.) I think a spear was involved. Don't worry, I've learned to compensate nicely with weird body contortions.

And despite all that I’ve shared here I am profoundly private, except in the company of alluring strangers and alcohol. You’re been warned. Onward.


Anonymous said...

"Better advice: don’t wear overalls unless you’re a farmer."

And where the hell were you when, at seventeen, I thought those blue corduroy overalls were hot hot hot? Looking back at photos, they made me look like a country bumpkin, teen pregnancy statistic. Not flattering.

Anonymous said...

I loved being able to read these 5 things about you. Perhaps your previous life accident happened while spearing fruit to make a drink for your 30 year old lover?

No one should wear overalls, especially men.

Girlplustwo said...

oooh...glimpses of you. i love it.

the overall thing made me laugh out loud. and all those languages? sister, i'd give a lot for that gift.

lovely stuff.

fringes said...

Very nice post. Thanks for the overalls advice, but as cover said, too late.

QT said...

Really like all this info!

I was taught Spanish by a woman with a 3rd grade education (my grandmother) so I often speak Spanish and get strange looks.

I also have a right shoulder that is a source of neverending pain. BTW, using the computer? Doesn't help.

thailandchani said...

I know it's odd but the "five most..." dialogues on blogs appeal to me. It's interesting to get a glimpse of the people writing.

The languages all blending... well, gee.. I'll have to try my unique blend of English, Russian and Thai. Ya think it'll work? :)



Nicole Carina said...

I was tagged for this too... it's always great to see someone else's 5 things.
I speak Portuguese but it's getting so rusty my mom makes fun of me half the time I try to use it because I sound silly. ;)